This week marked three months since the passing of my Father in law. I have been mulling over this post for a few weeks, trying to figure out how to express my feeling for this great loss in our family. I can only express my feelings as a daughter in law, and know that they are not the same as the feelings of his children.
I miss him. This has surprised me a little bit. The first month was hard, lots of memories and feelings, and so difficult watching Jeremy. But then the next month I just kind of moved on. He was not a part of my every day life anyway, so I just didn't think too much about it. This last month has been hard again. It is time to see him again, time to be in touch.
I saw a great movie this past weekend. The first person I wanted to tell was Dennis. I loved talking movies with him. And politics. He was not the easiest person to talk to, and over the years we found topics we were both comfortable with. Most conversations were on the surface. But on rare occasions movies and politics helped us talk about deeper issues that were important to us. And funny. I loved to hear him laugh about a funny movie scene or an idiot politician.
I think my favorite memory with Dennis was going to the Harvard Law School graduation with him. Just the two of us. Jeremy only got two tickets to the big Harvard ceremony for all the colleges. We were the lucky two, and I loved being in that moment with him. He was dressed to the nines, as he usually was. And he was so proud of his son. It was awesome. And then we headed out to the Cape that weekend. He was so at home on the beach. Best weekend with my father in law ever.
The other thing that has surprised me is my anger. I know, so cliche. To be angry in your grief. And that makes me mad too. To be so predictable. But I am mad, maybe at God a little bit. I know, I shouldn't think that. But I am.
Because we all have a few people in our lives that define us. These people are so important to us that we need them like air. Always there to keep us breathing, even when we can't feel it. And God took one of my husband's people. His dad was one of his people. And he took him from my love. And that makes me mad. Really mad. Jeremy needed him.
So, that is how I feel right now. Life throws you these weird curve balls. And sometimes you forget to duck. Slam. Right in the face. Great.
7 comments:
I'm sorry for your loss. But I love your post. So eloquent. And I'm still mad sometimes. I hope that's okay.
That's such a sweet post. I'm sorry for your loss. And the great thing about God is that he grows with us, and when you're ready to talk, he will be too. Hang in there.
I've been thinking about the same things this week since tomorrow will be one year since Eric's Dad passed away. You expressed yourself so well, and much of it is how I feel, too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
That was a great post. So well written. I was going to ask you about how you were doing about Dennis the other day and I forgot. So I'm glad to read this. I loved hearing about your memory going to the harvard graduation. That sounds like a great memory.
Thanks for sharing.
Yes, thanks for sharing and Amen to your feelings.
Sort of perfect, Molly. Thank you.
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