Dennis

This week marked three months since the passing of my Father in law. I have been mulling over this post for a few weeks, trying to figure out how to express my feeling for this great loss in our family. I can only express my feelings as a daughter in law, and know that they are not the same as the feelings of his children.

I miss him. This has surprised me a little bit. The first month was hard, lots of memories and feelings, and so difficult watching Jeremy. But then the next month I just kind of moved on. He was not a part of my every day life anyway, so I just didn't think too much about it. This last month has been hard again. It is time to see him again, time to be in touch.

I saw a great movie this past weekend. The first person I wanted to tell was Dennis. I loved talking movies with him. And politics. He was not the easiest person to talk to, and over the years we found topics we were both comfortable with. Most conversations were on the surface. But on rare occasions movies and politics helped us talk about deeper issues that were important to us. And funny. I loved to hear him laugh about a funny movie scene or an idiot politician.

I think my favorite memory with Dennis was going to the Harvard Law School graduation with him. Just the two of us. Jeremy only got two tickets to the big Harvard ceremony for all the colleges. We were the lucky two, and I loved being in that moment with him. He was dressed to the nines, as he usually was. And he was so proud of his son. It was awesome. And then we headed out to the Cape that weekend. He was so at home on the beach. Best weekend with my father in law ever.

The other thing that has surprised me is my anger. I know, so cliche. To be angry in your grief. And that makes me mad too. To be so predictable. But I am mad, maybe at God a little bit. I know, I shouldn't think that. But I am.

Because we all have a few people in our lives that define us. These people are so important to us that we need them like air. Always there to keep us breathing, even when we can't feel it. And God took one of my husband's people. His dad was one of his people. And he took him from my love. And that makes me mad. Really mad. Jeremy needed him.

So, that is how I feel right now. Life throws you these weird curve balls. And sometimes you forget to duck. Slam. Right in the face. Great.

What? When? Why?

These are the questions I am constantly asking my kids.

What are you doing?
When did you do that?
Why are you doing that?

And the answers are the same, EVERY TIME.

Nothing.
I didn't.
I don't know.

Obviously I should have made a resolution not to ask these questions anymore. I am constantly amazed at the things I have to ask my children. I just can't believe they didn't come to this earth with any idea about anything. I just keep thinking some things will come naturally. Like not licking the trash can. Isn't that obvious? No, it's not. Don't drink the water out of the gutter. Come on, really? Don't put your head near people's rear ends. I know, I know. But these are conversations that happen regularly at my house. And I know I am not alone.

Tv and Me

After an inspiring weekend early in October I decided to make some changes in my tv watching. I have tried this many times before, but I just always gave in because they would automatically record on my dvr and it was just so easy to give in after a long day. But this time I decided to get serious. I decided to just eliminate a couple shows every few weeks instead of going cold turkey. I am just so tired of all these shows pushing their social and moral agendas all the time. I immediately deleted the worst offenders from my recording schedule. I kept taking one more off every few weeks. I finally eliminated my last two guilty pleasure shows last week. I am excited about the shows I am still planning to watch. Hopefully I can find better things to do with my time this year besides all the junk tv I used to watch. Here are the shows that have made the cut.

The Biggest Loser
Community
The Office
Parenthood
The Amazing Race

I love watching these two shows with the kids.

Extreme Home Makeover
Wipeout

Anybody have any shows they like watching with their family? I feel like I need another series to get into. No more reality shows. Believe me if it is not on the list, I am not interested in watching it. Don't even think about mentioning Dancing with the Stars.

The big ONE